Make the Giant Woodlouse Go Away!

Make the giant woodlouse go away, Strathroy.

Two nights ago I dreamt I was being taunted by a shapeshifting being which always chose to be creepy-crawly things. The first thing I remember is that she taunted me in the form of a tiny yellow fly. I was irritated and thought I would teach her a lesson by putting her in the sink, which was full of water. I felt bad when she almost went down the drain and I tried to put her on a paper towel to dry her out. She must not have stuck to the paper towel very well, because she fell on the floor, and at some point turned into a little pupa-like grey thing, still tiny. I had trouble finding her before she went under the frige. This all happened at my parents' house.

Then Franz Kafka took over creative control of the dream. She came out as a giant woodlouse-like thing, about a foot long. She looked like her whole body was made of the legs, because of few of them were loose on her back and shimmering. Some kind of rag or carnival music was playing about something called a "Woler Bug." It was catchy but I don't remember it very well. Just something about being a woler bug, or worler bug or whatever, sung by a man. It was kinda like "I'm an Aardvark," from Sesame Street: just a self-proclamation. Verily, it is better to be an Aarvark than a woler bug.

Clearly she was the woler bug. She came after me, but not very quickly. I made it into my parents' room and looked for a shoe to squish her with. I was barefoot, so I would have had to put my hand all the way into the shoe and then lean on her, or grip it by the heel and try to smash her. The shoes were all too small. There was only one option left: slam the door on her. I couldn't, for some reason. I jumped over her back onto the hardwood, and woke up.

Some of that is embellished, but not the interesting part. I don't remember thinking out clearly how I would use the shoe to kill her. Anyway, the rest is real. As real as a dream at least.

I am tormented by thoughts of this giant, land-going crustacean. What if it's going around on the floor when I get up to go to the bathroom at night? What if it crawls up onto my bed while I'm asleep?! Oh shut up, reader! Are *your* fears so much more rational than these? OK, probably. What follows is a not-exhaustive list of possible inspirations for this dream:

1) Pan's Labyrinth, task one
2) The Metamorphosis, of course
3) That time I put my retainer in, not realizing there was a ladybug on it. I learned first hand why bright colors on an animal mean "Do Not Eat"

There were others, but they escape me. I believe I have keyed my unveiling post. And it's only the third or fourth one. I am proud of this entry.